Dark Berry Mountain Dew

The most important thing to know as we move forward with this review is that I am a seriously handsome guy. My beard is lush and waves in the wind, I haven’t a single feature that would be described as other than “finely chiseled”. When I move my head hair tosses and eyes twinkle, when I shrug well-toned muscles ripple, and when I walk all the ladies swoon – and many of the men.

So here’s the high point of this review for you, dear reader: I open the bottle of Dark Berry Mountain Dew, toss my head back with all the requisite waving of hair and rippling of muscles, and take a drink. The first bit there was pretty good, but it gets better: Dark Berry Mountain Dew sloshes out of the corner of my mouth, it sounds silly but I assure you it happened in a very sexy way. The soda rushes through the sieve of my beard and pours down my shirtless chest, over my six pack abs, and moistens the top of my underwear.

It was awesome. I was standing in front of a window and actually saw the tree outside shiver with arousal.

That right there is review enough for you.