Jones Pure Cane Cola

Okay, the Jones drinks have never “wow’d” me. They are usually serviceable at best, horrible at worst. The charm of the company is their tremendous variety and occasional gimmickry. Dungeons and Dragons flavored sodas? Sign me up.

Which reminds me, I have a D&D soda somewhere that I still need to review.

Anyways, today I had a “Pure Cane Cola” with my lunch. It’s perfectly fine. MUCH better than corn syrupy Coke or Pepsi, a real cola’s cola. It doesn’t leave a slimy aftertaste like Coke, it’s thin but still flavorful. It’s sort of a list of all the things Coke does bady, inverted. Not too sweet, not too thick, blah blah blah.

Has an oddish smell. A little bit like the sea, but the sea along a beach littered with weeds. Sort of like if a Deep One left backwash in a cola bottle. Not a full on Deep One, but a person half-way through the change, full of regret at their Innsmouth background. Which is funny because the random photo on the bottle is of a surfer shooting a yellow laser out of their armpit into the back of someones head. Deep One’s don’t surf, and they don’t shoot lasers, but they are bad ass just like a laser-surfer.

Anyways, this drink probably deserves a better review. I’m not really feeling it today, but I’m so far behind in my reviewing that even a shoddy pass is better than nothing at all. Even “Today I drank a bottle of something and didn’t read the label” as a whole review is better than leaving the site un-updated. And writing this half-assed review is better than tracking down that rotten broccoli smell in my apartment.

It’s good. I’ll drink it again. If I was offered a free bottle of Jones anything and I was actually thirsty, I’d choose the Pure Cane Cola. It’s safe. It tastes like it’s supposed to, not too sweet, not too anything.